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CHRISTIAN JOKES

 

Good Clean Christian Fun And Humor

 

 THE BUBBA JOKE

SHORT AND SWEET JOKES

THE MONK

THE PASTOR AND EGGS

THE GOLFING PASTOR

BAPTIST, CHARISMATIC AND LUTHERAN

THE TOWN DRUNK

CLERGY GETS A HAIRCUT

PAINTING THE MINISTER'S HOUSE

BRAGGING TO GOD

ADAM AND EVE

LAYING OUT OF CHURCH

THE RICH MAN GETS TO HEAVEN

THE RABBI, VICAR AND PRIEST GO FISHING

PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH MEETS MOSES

ABRAHAM'S COMPUTER

HEALTHY CHRISTIANS LIVE LONGER

THE POPE GOES TO HEAVEN

GRACE AT THE GATES

SEEK 'EM JESUS

THE FLOOD

THE DUST IS ALIVE!

THE BLIZZARD SERMON

THE ANOINTING

IS GOD LOST OR SOMETHING?

 

  

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SHORT JOKES

 

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

 

A. Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone else was in

liquidation.

 

 

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

 

A. Pharoah's daughter - she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew

out a little prophet.

 

 

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

 

A. Ruth-less.

 

 

Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?

 

A. Nebuchadnezzar - he was on grass for seven years.

 

 

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

 

A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.

 

A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.

 

A. Honda... because the Apostles were all in one Accord.

 

A. 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle:

"We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."

 

 

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

 

A. Samson - he brought the house down.

 

 

Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

 

A. In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck

out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. the Giants and the Angels

were rained out.

 

 

Q. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?

 

A. They were really put out.

 

 

Q. What is one of the first things Adam and Eve did after they were

kicked out?

 

A. They really raised Cain.

 

 

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer

lived in Eden?

 

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

 

 

Q. The ark was built in 3 stories, and the top story had a window to

let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?

 

A. They used floodlights.

 

 

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?

 

A. David - he rocked Goliath to sleep.

 

 

Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?

 

A. The thought had never entered his head before.

 

 

Q. If Goliath is resurrected, would you llike to tell him the joke

about David and Goliath?

 

A. No, he already fell for it once.

 

 

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?

 

A. German Shepherds.

 

 

Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise?

 

A. Turn right and go straight.

 

 

Q. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the

Bible?

 

A. Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

 

 

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

 

A. The area around the Jordan - the banks were always overflowing.

 

 

Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?

 

A. Because in Job 16:12, 14, 16 we read, "I had come to be at ease, but

he proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck

and proceeded to smash me."

 

 

Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A: A roman Catholic!

 

 

What are the three similarities between praying and kissing?

. . . whether you do it with eyes open or closed
. . . whether you moan and groan in agreement
. . . whether you do it with tongues or not

 

During the time the church was being persecuted in Rome, a Christian was thrown to the lions. As he waited to be eaten, he knelt down and prayed. Looking up, he was surprised to see the lion also kneeling in prayer. Seeing the look of bewilderment on the Christian's face, the lion said to him "I don't know what you're doing, but I'm saying grace"

 

 

Q: Why did God create man before woman?
A: He didn't want any advice.

 

 

Q: Why did God create man before woman?
A: Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

 

 

Q: When was the longest day in the Bible?
A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.

 

 

A man: God, how much is a million dollars to you?
God: It is but a penny.
A man: God, how long is a million years to you?
God: It is but a second.
A man: God, could you please give me a penny?
God: Sure, just a second.

 

 

A cannibal ate a priest and got very sick. Upon visiting the witch doctor, and telling of his symptoms, the witch doctor asked how he cooked the priest.
The cannibal replied that he had broiled it.
The Doctor said, "Well no wonder you're sick, he was a Friar"

 

 

Then there was the cannibal who ate the Charismatic Missionary, but threw up his hands.

 

 

A minister was asked by a politician, "Name something the government can do to help the church", the minister replied, "Quit making one dollar bills."

 

 

Rumor has it Billy Graham Ministries is starting up an Emotional Support Group for middle aged men experiencing hair loss. Apparently they close every meeting with the benediction, "Go, and thin no more!"

 

 

Q: What did Jonah do while he was in the whale?
A: Sing, you always sing when you're in Wales!

 

 

Q: Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A: He only had two worms!

 

 

Q: Did you know the Bible talks about women drivers?
A: In the book of Acts, Paul said they let down the sails, threw the tackle overboard and "let her drive", ...and they shipwrecked!

 

 

Q: What do John The Baptist and Winnie The Pooh have in common?
A: Their middle names!

 

 

Q: Why do they say "Amen" at the end of a prayer instead of "A women"?
A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!
 

 

Q: What's the greatest case of constipation in the bible?
A: Satan the devil. Revelation says he'll be bound up for a thousand years! (Rev 20:2 KJV)

 

 

Q: Who was the worst man in the bible?
A: Moses - he broke all the Ten Commandments at once (when he threw down the tablets!).

 

Did you know you can not watch television at night? Matthew 17:9 it says "And as they were coming down from the mountain, Jesus said "Tell a vision to no man until the son has risen.... from the dead".

 

Did you know that pharaoh's sister was an excellent financier?
She took a little prophet from the bullrushes on the banks.

 

 

Q: Where is the first example of cannabalism in the bible?
A: Two Kings Ate One!

 

 

Q: Who is the shortest person in the Bible?
A: Bildad the Shuhite! . . . or . . .
A: Knee High Miah! . . . or . . .
A: Peter (when he slept on his watch) . . . or . . .
A: Jesus (when He spoke on a mustard seed)

 

 

Q: Who is the largest woman in the bible?
A: The woman of Some area (Samaria Jn 4)

 

 

Q: What is the first recorded case of constipation?
A: It's in Kings, where it says that David sat on the Throne for forty years.

 

 

Q: Which bible character had no parents?
A: Joshua, son of Nun.

 

 

Q: Who was the straightest man in Genesis?
A: Joseph - because he was a ruler

 

 

Q: What was the first state mentioned in the Bible?
A: Arkansas - because Noah looked out of the ark and saw...

 

Did you know that they played tennis in ancient Egypt?
They must have, because Joseph served in Pharoah's court.

 

Did you know that they had motorbikes in the bible?
Joshua's triumph was heard throughout the land.

 

Did you know that the apostles drove a Honda?
In Acts is says they were all in one Accord.

 

Did you know that Jesus had an automobile?
He drove them from the temple in a Fury!

 

 

Q: Why could Jonah be eaten by the big fish?
A: He was one of the "minor prophets"!

 

 

Q: When is the first food fight mentioned in the Bible?
A: "I looked and behold a flying roll!" (Zech 5:1 KJV)

 

 

Q: Did you know that Paul was the 1st surfer in the Bible?
A: Sure, in Acts he "came ashore on a board"!

 

 

Q: How many evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the lightbulb must repent from its darkness and really want to be changed.

 

 

Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the lightbulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the lightbulb they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent tubes.

 

 

Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.

 

 

Q: How many Charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls!

 

 

Q: How many conservative Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to storm out in protest if the person changing it is a woman.!

 

 

Q: How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
A:10. One to actually change the bulb and 9 to say how much they like the old one.

 

 

Q: How many independent Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, anymore than that would be considered ecumenical.

 

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The Silent Monk

There was a man, approaching middle age, whose life was comfortable, but he felt an emptiness inside, a longing. So he decide to join a monastery.

The head monk told him that the road ahead was difficult, he would have to give up all earthly possessions, pray constantly, and he would have to be totally silent. In fact, he could not speak at all, to anyone. He was allowed only to say two words every five years.

So the man joins and becomes a monk, and he is silent. Five years goes by, and the Pope comes to visit. The man is summoned before the pope, and he is asked "So, how is everything?" The man answers "Bed hard". The Pope replies, "Oh, I'm so sorry, we didn't know. We'll take care of that right away. You should be comfortable in bed." And the bed is fixed.

Another five years goes by, the man is silent, and again, the Pope comes to visit. He again asks "How are you, my son, is all OK?" The man replies to the Pope "Food cold", to which the Pope replies, "Oh my, that is no good, we will take care of that problem right away. No more cold food."

Again, five more years goes by, the man is the ideal monk, he prays, he is silent. This time, the Pope can't visit, so the man is called before his superior, who asks "How are you, are you OK? To which the man replies "I quit".

So his superior says, in surprise, "Well, of course you quit, you've been here for fifteen years and all you've done is complain!"

 

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The Pastor and the Eggs

The elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 25 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box.

The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for.

She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1."

 

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The Pastor and Golf

There was once a pastor of a medium sized evangelical church, he was a good man, a good pastor but he had one weakness, golf.

One Sunday morning he woke up, preparing his mind for that morning's sermon when he had a look out of the window. Oh what a glorious morning, the sun had broken through the weeks of grayness and the sky was clear blue. At that moment he decided he had to play golf, even if it meant missing Church; he had a good team around him after all. So he phoned the associate pastor, explaining he was sick in a croaky voice,
"Can we pray for you?" they offered
"No, no it's not as bad as that" he croaked back and left them to take the service.
A brief pang of guilt was forgotten as once again he peered out of the window.
Up in heaven St. Peter, seeing all this wandered over to Jesus.
"Lord", he said, "have you seen what your servant is doing down here?"
"Yes Peter.", replied Jesus, "Don't worry, I have it all in hand."
"Okay Lord" said Peter and went to see what was happening now.

What was happening was the Pastor was lining up his first shot of the day, his wife left at home with a despairing shake of her head.
He breathed the cool, fresh air, "This is going to be a beautiful day" he thought to himself and let swing.
Crack, what a beauty, the ball sailed down the fairway.
"Oh yes this is going to be a beautiful day" he thought.

Again in heaven Peter walked over to the Lord and questioned "Lord do you see what's happening here?"
"Peter, leave it to me, it's all in hand"

The round was going wonderfully, in fact probably the best game he had ever played, yes, the best without a doubt, shame he had no-one to share it with, but circumstances prevented that really didn't they.
And suddenly there he was, the famous 18th hole, an enormous par five of renowned
difficulty, could he maintain his form? Many a game had been lost on this one!
He lined himself up, took a final glance down the fairway to where it turned a bend and swung.

He had never seen his ball go so far, it was amazing, though it must overshoot the dogleg and go into the trees, what a shame. But no, it seemed to hit a tree and go around the corner, WOW what luck. He hurried down the fairway and rounded the corner until he saw the green still some way off. Now how far had it gone, where was that ball? He just kept on walking, no sign of it anywhere, surely it hadn't reached the green?! No he couldn't see it at, NO, it's impossible, AMAZING, there lying still IN THE HOLE was his ball. A HOLE IN ONE, HA HA, A HOLE IN ONE, AMAZING!!

Up in heaven that was just the final straw,
"WHAT IS GOING ON?" Peter yelled, "did you see that, did you do that? Is this some grace thing again? What are you doing Lord, your servant abandons his flock for some foolish game, lies to his elders and makes his wife do the same and this happens?! You give him the most amazing game he ha ever played and then that ridiculous hole in one, what's going on?"
"Yes Peter" replied Jesus, smiling, "I did give him all that, but there is one thing that you forgot...who's he going to tell?!!!!"

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The Baptist, Charismatic and Lutheran

A Baptist, a Charismatic, and a Lutheran died one day and stood at the pearly gates. God asked each of them in turn why He should let them into Heaven!

The Baptist answered, "Because I accepted you as my Lord and Savior and did my best to live my life for you. I may have failed you from time to time but I always repented and asked forgiveness."

God replied, "You have done well, you may enter Heaven. Also, to drive around, I will give you a Saturn."
"Thank you, God," replied the Baptist.

The Charismatic said to God, "I should be allowed into Heaven because I accepted you as Savior and I lived my life for you completely. I tried to be a witness to everyone I met, and I led many people to you."

God replied, "You have done very well. I am proud of you. Your car will be a Rolls Royce."
"Thank you God," replied the Charismatic.

The Lutheran approached God and said, "Lord, I think I was saved, and I went to church and I tried to be a good person."

God replied, "Yes, you were saved, and you did alright. Here, I will give you a Chevette."
The Lutheran replied, "Thank you, Lord."

One day in Heaven, The Lutheran was chugging along in his Chevette when he noticed the Baptist's Saturn crumpled up against a tree. He saw the Baptist sitting on the curb laughing hysterically.

He pulled up and asked, "Are you ok? Are you hurt?"
The Baptist continued to roll in laughter.
The Lutheran asked, "What is so funny? I mean, you smashed up your car, what could be so funny to make you laugh like that?"
The Baptist replied, "I just saw the Pope go by on roller skates!"

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Town Drunk Dies

A man who had been quite a boozer and ran with the ladies, passed away. His wealthy brother said to the Minister: "I hope you won't be too hard on my brother. In fact if you would refer to my brother as a Saint, I'll make a $10,000 donation to your Church."

The Minister said he would have to think about it.

At the funeral service, the Minister said: "We all know that Charlie was a terrible boozer and was unfaithful to his wife, but compared to his brother here, he was almost a saint."

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The Clergy and the Barber

A Rabbi went to the barber shop. After his hair cut, he got ready to pay the barber and the barber said, "No Rabbi, I don't charge the clergy for haircuts." So the next morning the barber found a loaf of Jewish rye bread outside of his door step.

A couple of days past and a Catholic priest came in to get his hair cut. He got ready to pay and the barber said, "No Father, I don't charge the clergy for hair cuts." So the next morning he found a bottle of wine outside his front door step.

A couple of days later the Baptist preacher came in to get his hair cut and when he got ready to pay the barber said, "No Reverend, I don't charge the clergy for their hair cuts." So the next morning, the barber found 15 Baptist preachers on his doorstep, ready to get their hair cut!

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The Minister and the Paint

A Minister had a group of trustees over to paint the parsonage. It was getting late and it looked like they were going to run out of paint, but by that time the paint store was closed. The pastor looked and noted that it was water based paint, so they added water to thin the paint and finished the job.

That night it rained cats and dogs. The pastor worried that the paint which wasn't dry would be washed from the house. Sure enough, in the morning all the paint to which they had added water was washed from the house. At that moment the clouds parted and the pastor heard a voice from above. It said "Repaint and thin no more."

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Carried away in worship

Members of one church were getting carried away in Worship one evening. The tambourines a shaking, the drums a rocking and choruses and prayers ascended to Heaven in a never ending stream. Amidst the sighs and ecstatic shouts of joy, one old man was truly overcome with emotion:

 

"Ah Lord, Thoust can see we are having a blessed time this evening, but this is nothing, Lord, Thoust should have been here at the meeting last week, Lord!"

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Adam and his Partner

God had just finished creating Adam.
God said to him "Adam, I want you to pick out a partner from any of the animals in the garden."

So Adam looked around trying to find a mate. After a few minutes Adam said to God "God, none of these animals will do." So God made a woman for Adam.

Adam looked at the woman and said to God "God, why did you make her so beautiful?"
and God replied "So you will like her Adam."
Adam said, "But God, she is just SO beautiful why is she so beautiful?"
"So you will like her"
God replied.
Then Adam asked, "But God, why did you make her so stupid?"
God replied "So she will like you."

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I'm not goin' to Church

A mother called her son one Sunday morning, to get out of bed and get ready for Church.
He replied "I'm not goin'"
His mother said "Yes you are goin', so get out of that bed."
He replied "Give me ONE good reason why I should go."
She replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons....
1. I'm your mother, and I say you're goin'.
2. You're 40 years old, so old enough to know better.
3. You're the Pastor, so you need to be there.

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St. Peter and the Rich Man

Determined to "take it with him" when he died, a very rich man prayed until the Lord gave in. There was one condition: he could bring only one suitcase of his wealth. The rich man decided to fill the case with gold bullion.

The day came when God called him home. St. Peter greeted him, but told him he could not bring his suitcase. "Oh, but I have an agreement with God," the man explained.

"That's unusual," said St. Peter. "Mind if I take a look?" The man opened the suitcase to reveal the shining gold bullion.

St. Peter was amazed. "Why in the world would you bring pavement?"

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The Rabbi, Vicar and Priest by the River

A Rabbi, a Vicar and a Priest went fishing one day, they patiently sat on the river bank waiting for a bite, after a few hours the Rabbi stood up and said, "I don't think we are to get anywhere here so I'm going to cross the river and try up stream". The Priest pointed out that the nearest bridge was 3 miles away. "No problem" replied the Rabbi who knelt down and prayed for a few seconds, then he stood up and walked across the water! The Vicar started packing away his fishing equipment and shouted to the Rabbi to wait for him. The Vicar knelt down said a quick prayer and walked across the river to join the Rabbi. The Priest thought to himself if they can do it so can I. "Wait for me" the Priest called, "There's no point in me staying here on my own", the Priest knelt down and said a prayer stood up walked to the river bank took one step out into the river then vanished beneath the surface. On the other bank the Vicar turned to the Rabbi "Do you think we should of told him about the stepping stones"?

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President George Bush and Moses

After many long and fruitful years, ex-President George Bush dies and goes to Heaven.

Within the first few months of eternity, he finds Moses walking the streets of gold. Thinking to himself: "It would be interesting to compare notes, head-of-state to head-of-state." he approaches Moses.

Moses sees him coming, turns white and runs the other way!

Puzzled by this reaction, George goes on his way in paradise.

A few hundred years pass, and George again sees Moses walking the streets of Gold. This time he is able to stand right beside Moses before Moses notices him.

George asks: "Why did you run away from me the first time we saw each other? All I wanted to do was discuss the aspects of being head-of-state with you."

Moses replies: "Well, the last time I spoke to a 'Bush', I wound up spending 40 years in the wilderness!"

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Abraham and Isaac

Avraham (Abraham) wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95.

Yitzhak (Isaac) is incredulous. "Pop," he says, "you can't run Windows 95 on your old, slow 386. Everyone knows that you need at least a fast 486 with a minimum of 16 megs of memory in order to multitask effectively with Windows 95."

But Abraham, the man of faith, gazed calmly at his son and replied, 'God will provide the RAM, my son'.

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The Healthy Christians

Two Christians have lived very good, and also very healthy lives. They die, and go to heaven.

As they are walking along, marveling at the paradise around them, one turns to the other and says "Wow. I never knew heaven was going to be as good as this !"

"Yeah", says the other. "And just think, if we hadn't eaten all that oat bran we could have got here ten years sooner."

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The Pope in Heaven

The Pope had died, and was greeted at the gates of Heaven by St. Peter, who welcomed him warmly. After a brief orientation he asked the Pope what it was he wanted most to do. The Pope answered that he would like to read the original, hand-written texts that became the bible. So St. Peter led him to the holy library, and left him to read to his heart's content.

Hours later St. Peter became concerned when he heard the Pope shout, "there's an 'R' in this word!!!". He started walking towards the library, to see what was the matter, when he heard the Pope shout, "That's an 'E', not an 'I'!!!". St. Peter ran the rest of the way to the library, where he was greeted by the Pope, standing in the doorway holding one of the texts. He asked the Pope why he was making such a ruckus, and the Pope responded, "This says 'celebrate', not 'celibate'!!".

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Pearly Gates Story

A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates.
St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."
"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."
"That's wonderful,"
says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"
"Three points?"
he says. "Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service."
"Terrific!"
says St. Peter, "that's certainly worth a point."
"One point? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."
"Fantastic, that's good for two more points,"
he says.
"TWO POINTS!!" the man cries, "At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!"
"Come on in!"

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Jesus is watching you

A burglar got into a house one night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice saying, "Jesus is watching you." He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables. He again heard, "Jesus is watching you." This time, he shone his light all over, and it rested on a parrot. He asked, "Did you say that?" The parrot admitted that it had. "I'm just trying to warn you, that's all." The burglar said, "Warn me, huh? Who are you? What's your name?" "Moses." "Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?" The bird answered, "I don't know; I guess the same folks who would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'."

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The Other Flood

A great flood swept across a great countryside, and a Christian couple were trapped upon a roof. The waters continued to rise when a boat came towards them.
"Do you need some help?" the man in the boat asked.
"No. Jesus will save us." came the reply.

A couple of hours later, another boat came to their aid. By this time, the water was halfway up the roofline.
"You folks need some help?" was the question.
"No. Jesus will save us." again was their reply.

A couple of more hours later and the water was now lapping over the peak of the roof, when a helicopter came over. A man was hoisted down.
"You folks need some help?" he asked.
"No. Jesus will save us." once more was the reply.

A few more hours passed and the couple died. At the pearly gates, they requested to see Jesus.
"What happened lord? We've lived our entire lives for you. We prayed un-ceasingly to you and believed in you. Why did you let us down?"

The Lord replied. "What are you mad at me for? I sent you 2 boats and a helicopter."

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Dust to Dust

A little boy had just got home from Sunday School and mom was cooking lunch. "Mommy, is it true that before you're born you're just dust and after you die you go back to being dust?"
"That's right son, why?"
"Well that's just what they said at church today."
"Run up stairs and wash your hands son, lunch will be ready in a few minutes."

About 10 minutes went by and she called out for him to come down. "I'll be there in a minute." As they were about to sit down at the table, the little boy asked again about being dust before being born and after you die. Once again mother said yes son. The little boy looked at her and said, then you better get up to my room pretty quick, because something under my bed is either coming or going!!

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Blizzard on a Sunday

There was a terrible blizzard and it was snowing and snowing all weekend. Sunday morning came and the Pastor saw that the snow had reached his window. He didn't think anyone would be coming to church this morning, but he felt obliged to go anyway.
The pastor fought his way through the icy wind and snow to get next door to the church. He waited in the sanctuary, reading, for ten minutes. He was about to go when the door opened, and a man staggered through.
" Hello!" said the pastor. " Church will have to be cancelled today- you're the only one who has come."
The man replied," Reverend, if you had a big herd of sheep, and only one came home that night to feed - would you still feed him?"
The pastor was amazed and cried," Yes! I would!"
He then was filled with the spirit, and decided to preach the best sermon ever. He talked and talked about all of life's trials and joys - he referred to passages from Genesis to Job, Psalms to John, Acts to Revelation. He did so with profound excitement and conviction. This went on for a long time.
After the minister had come to his final conclusion, he went down and talked to the other man.
" Did that satisfy you, sir?" he asked happily.
The man replied " Reverend, if you had a herd of sheep and only one came home that night to feed - would you make sure he ate the whole bale of hay!?"

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Anointed with oil

This man and lady couldn't have any children, so they went to the pastor and asked for prayer. So the pastor prayed for them and anointed them with oil. Sure enough about 9 months later they had triplets. The couple once again showed up at the pastor's study and as soon as the woman saw the pastor she ran up to him, threw her arms around him and gave him the biggest hug. "What was that all about"? he asked. She replied "I'm just glad you used three in one oil and not WD40."

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Where's God?

Two little boys were best friends at church, but they both had a reputation for getting into trouble.
One Sunday, one of the boys was home sick, but the other boy, not wanting to let his friend down, was twice as bad as normal. As he was running through the sanctuary after church, the pastor grabbed him and angrily said, "Where's God?!"
The little boy was frightened and didn't know what to say.
The pastor continued, "I want you to go home and think about it and I don't want you to come back until you can tell me where God is."
The boy went home and called his sick friend on the telephone. "Guess what," he said. "They've lost God, and they're trying to blame that one on us, too."

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